Evolution
by Someone aka Me
Summary: How Sirius Black went from a carefree little boy to a troubled teen to an anguished adult. No real pairings.
1. Carefree

AN: For "THE for lack of a better name DRABBLE CHALLENGE" on HPFC. Character: Sirius Black.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**1: Carefree**

He started out so carefree, so innocent. He was the kind of kid who had the easy life. For the first eleven years of his life, he hardly had to lift a finger. After all, that was what house-elves were for, right?

He was _untouchable_. And it didn't matter that he wasn't quite sure this was right, it didn't matter that he wasn't quite sure he believed in the pureblood supremacy they'd been force-feeding him from birth, it didn't matter.

Until.

Until he went to Hogwarts and became a Gryffindor.

Until he alienated himself from everyone he'd ever known.

Until right and wrong started to matter.

And the _carefree_ became a façade.


	2. Hogwarts Equals Home

AN: No, they don't go in numerical order. The numbers are the order in which I got the prompts.

**4: Hogwarts-Home**

Sirius knows, consciously, that Hogwarts is so much more than a boarding school for so many kids. It's a haven.

For Remus, it's the place he found the acceptance he thought he'd never have again after being bitten. It's the place that has shown him that he can be whoever he wants to be.

For Peter, it's the place where he can earn the respect that he can never seem to find on his own. It's the place where maybe he can do something good, something worthwhile.

For James, it's the place where he can make friendships that will last a lifetime. It's the place where he found the girl of his dreams.

For Sirius, it's home.


	3. Family

**2: Family**

Despite how it seems, family matters to Sirius. He really does care about them, honestly. Even Bella, sadistic as she is. Because they're family, and Sirius sees something redeemable in all of them.

But the one that hurts the most is Regulus. Because Sirius loves him, still, even now. Sirius tries to protect him, even now. But Regulus doesn't seem to notice, or care. Because every time Sirius tries to talk to him, Regulus walks away.

"Reg?" The word is so lonely.

Sirius is left there asking why.

James says they're family. All of them, the Marauders. And they are, because family isn't about blood. Still, Sirius knows, blood matters. Maybe not as much as some people think it does, but it matters.


	4. Friendship

**5: Friendship**

So family matters. But friendship matters so much more, because while his family matters to Sirius, he doesn't matter to them. With his friends, it's mutual, and he knows it. He matters as much – if not more so – to them as they do to him. And that feeling is unlike anything else.

It's because of this that their friendship is so easy, so natural. They don't normally have issues, unless one of them does something exceptionally stupid, which tends to cause some hairline fractures, but still, nothing can really break them apart.

Together, they're invincible.


	5. His 'brothers'

**11: His 'brothers'**

Regulus and Sirius are brothers by blood. Regulus is his brother. Sirius is not Regulus's brother, because Reg won't accept him as family. Not anymore. Not after his dismissal of everything they've been told to believe, his dismissal of their family.

James, Remus, Peter, and Sirius are brothers by friendship. It's a tighter bond than his bond with Reg will ever be again. It fills that giant empty hole that was left in his chest when he tried to talk to Regulus after Reg's sorting, but Reg walked away without a word.

Still, something will always be missing. They fill the hole. They surpass it. They fill him up from head to toe with all the good things in life.

But they can't paste over the cracks that Reg left behind. One brother broke him, and the rest put him back together again, but they can't heal the scars.


	6. Sneaking Out

**3: Sneaking out**

This, the sneaking out, it's so much more than the thrill of rule breaking, the heady rush that comes from maybe being caught, the euphoria of pitting your wits against the teachers and almost always coming out on top. It's the Marauders; it's who they are. They are defined by their rule-breaking.

It's when all of them are together that's it's _real_ – because Remus and Peter cop out sometimes, and then it's not quite as exhilarating. But this, these times when it feels like the four of them against the world, it's then that Sirius feels like he truly _belongs_.


	7. Pranks

**10: Pranks**

Pranks are completely different from sneaking out. Yes, there's still the thrill of rule breaking. Yes, there's still the heady rush, the euphoria, the challenge, the victory. Yes, this is still a part of the Marauders, of who they are, something that defines them.

But the pranks, the pranks are less about the Marauders and more about everyone else. They're about spreading laughter as times grow darker. They're about getting subtle revenge in an entertaining way. They aren't sadistic – well, not anymore – they're all in good fun. They're the Marauders' attempt to do something _good_.


	8. Arrogance

**6: Arrogance**

When people think of Sirius Black – people who don't know him exceptionally well, anyway – they think of cocky arrogance. Sirius likes it that way. He's rather proud of it, actually, this reputation he's cultivated. He's the playboy, the turgid jock who feels like he's better than the rest of them just because he can get the girls.

It's really only James and Peter and Remus and Reg who know differently. It's really only those four who knows that his face is painted on, plastic, because his real face is cracked from too many fake smiles from the point in time when he tried to please his parents, tried to be the perfect pureblood son.

He has to hide the cracks, the flaws.

Arrogance is as good a mask as any.


	9. What'd you do to that one?

**7: 'Sirius Black, I never want to see you again!' 'What did you do to that one?'**

"Sirius Black, I never want to see you again!"

SMACK

She slaps him full across the face and then stalks off, leaving Sirius rubbing his face, wincing.

James laughs.

"What did you do to that one?"

Sirius looks affronted. "Why do you assume it's something I did?"

"Pads, girls don't slap you, declare their need to never see you, and stomp off angrily unless you did something to them."

Sirius nods his head in concession. "A valid point. I guess maybe she was a little mad that I dumped her in the middle of our date? In front of most of Hogsmead?"

James blinks. "You think?"

"Maybe," Sirius says seriously.

Remus shakes his head. "Sometimes, Sirius, I wonder how you get the grades you do with how little common sense you have."


	10. Losing the Only Person He'd Ever Loved

**15: Losing the only person he ever loved**

Sirius gave a lot of love in his life. He loved Regulus. Despite everything, he loved his mother, and his father. He loved Remus, Peter, James. He gave a piece of his love to every girl he ever dated, despite what they said. Not much, not enough to get hurt, really, but a piece of it nonetheless.

He loved strays. Especially the dogs, but every kind of stray, really. He was the kind of child who would rescue a wounded bird and ask, "Please, can't we keep it?" That never stopped. Sirius had a particular fondness for strays because he was one.

But he only ever absolutely, unequivocally, unreservedly, unconditionally loved _one person_.

James Potter.

It sounds weird. He knows that. And no, not like that. He and James were never romantic. But James was the one person he told everything without fear, the one person around whom he felt like he could be _himself_, and James wouldn't care.

Losing James – his best mate – his _brother_ – hurt worse than anything Sirius could ever imagine.

He saw red.

He claims temporary insanity.

No. He doesn't want to give excuses. He _wanted_ Peter – that traitor, that _rat_ – to _die._

He can admit that.


	11. Alone

**12: Alone**

He's alone. He's been alone for so long.

It's dark. It's been dark for so long.

He's cold. He's been cold for so long.

He shivers. A faint thread of memory tickles at the back of his mind, but it's gone before he can realize it fully.

All he can think is, _'Harry.'_ That, and, _'I'm innocent.'_

Neither are happy thoughts. The word 'Harry' consumes him with guilt and remorse. The words 'I'm innocent' only remind him that he's suffering for nothing.

Everything aches.

The stone cold floor is unforgiving.

His mind isn't right.

He can't think properly.

He's so cold.

It's so dark.

He's so alone.


	12. Azkaban

**14: Azkaban**

He's forgotten what happiness feels like. He knows, conceptually, what happiness is, but he can't remember ever feeling happy.

Yet, even when they suck away all the happiness, the Dementors can't make a person _unhappy._ Is that odd?

Instead, they leave the person listless, cold. Happiness seems to be the human motivation, because when the happy memories are gone, people are apathetic and bland, completely uninspired.

This island, Azkaban, is a desolate wasteland, devoid of life, of joy.

The guards were never human.

Most of the prisoners have long since left what humanity they had behind.

A select few are left, clinging to what little humanity still remains. These are the obstinate ones. Sirius clings desperately.


	13. Freedom

**8: Freedom**

Freedom has never tasted so sweet as it does after being locked up in his own head with only his worst memories for company for _twelve years_.

Confinement hurts, now. He's claustrophobic, and he never used to be.

Post-Azkaban freedom isn't the same as freedom before all of that. It's tainted, soured, when he used to believe that all freedom could ever be was pure.

Apparently, all freedom was not created equal.

Still, it's so much sweeter than confinement ever was, especially confinement in his own personal hell on Earth.

But freedom's not freedom without someone to enjoy it with, and Sirius feels so _alone_, so _trapped_.

He's trapped in the house of horrors that is his childhood home, and he's not allowed to leave – for his own good.

Freedom's not free. Not for Sirius. Not anymore.


	14. Snuffles

**9: Snuffles**

He hates the secrecy, the hiding. He hates having to tell Harry to call him Snuffles because saying his name aloud is too dangerous. The nickname brings back good memories though. It was Remus, actually, surprisingly, that named him Snuffles one full moon. He had a cold, and Remus thought it was hysterical that his cold carried over to when he was in his Animagus form.

Still, even the faint echo of a happy memory isn't enough to make him happy now, not when everything hurts so much, and he feels so alone.

Snuffles is a remnant from better days. Remus is still here, but he's not the same person as he was, not any more than Sirius is. They're both broken.


	15. Dueling

**13: Dueling**

It's the way he'd have wanted to go out, really. Fighting fiercely. Dueling Bellatrix Lestrange, the cousin he always thought was redeemable. Until she spent even longer than he did in Azkaban, without _anything_ to hold on to.

She went completely of the deep end.

She's now lost completely.

She cackles insanely, and Sirius is reminded of himself, as they carted him off to Azkaban. He laughed like that, too. Maybe he shouldn't have. Maybe that wasn't the best choice.

Still, she's lost in a way that he never was.

This doesn't negate the danger. Crazy or not, she's still dangerous.

He still can't believe it when she wins. In his last instant, his last realization is that he's lost.

It's sobering.


End file.
